


Circus Kings

by prongsprobably



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Romance, Sort Of, There's no magic, and lo and behold, and somehow I like the idea of Sirius with knives, i just watched the greatest showman, jily, jily au, magician! james, obviously have no idea how tags work, pyrokinetic! lily, the angst wasn't supposed to be there too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-04-22 09:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14305545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prongsprobably/pseuds/prongsprobably
Summary: Lily thought that Hogwarts was just another ruckus in the city; a circus of hoaxes and lies, deceiving the public for monetary gain. At least, that was what she was told.Well, she couldn’t have been more wrong.





	1. Lovely

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So basically, this is the first time (in a looooong time) that I've written jily fanfiction again (three years, give or take), and somehow I just missed this world so much and I couldn't get the idea out of my head after watching The Greatest Showman and here we are. Hopefully I did not mess up. *twiddles thumbs*

Lily had been on the piano for _hours_.

            As if ballet wasn’t torture enough (and embroidering and sewing and ‘All that entails of a proper lady’), her _lovely_ sister had to suggest playing the piano to add to her “education” too. Lily reckoned all these skills were important, but there was so much about the world that she wanted to learn about too. Not just all these organizing a party and knowing which color the tablecloths and napkins should be, depending on who the guest was and how important they were to society.

Learning was supposed to be finding new worlds, not feeling like you’re being imprisoned in one.

This tirade of thoughts was what slipped into her mind every now and then, which was why her fingers would miss a note or press an entirely different one. Her tutor, Madame Rasmond, noticed, of course. As was expected.

“Miss Evans,” the tutor sighed impatiently. “Pull your head out of the clouds and _concentrate_ on the piece for once! We’ve been over this piece since last week!”

Lily bit the retort on her tongue and forced out a polite apology. She only bit retorts because the news would get to Petunia, and an angered Petunia is a controlling Petunia, and Lily treasured what little freedom she could get, even if it meant nearly a half-day of mind-numbing piano lessons. Lily sighed almost imperceptibly, and let her fingers fly over the keys again.

A polite cough interrupted the sound of music in the air.

“Excuse me, Madam,” Emmeline, Lily’s personal attendant, stood with a humbled grace, her head slightly bowed. “But Miss Lily was called by Miss Petunia.”

Madam Rasmond scowled. Her gray eyes exhibited her disdain. “You’re dismissed then, Miss Evans.”

“Great!” perhaps she was a bit too excited. Her chair nearly toppled over when she stood and she had just enough reflex to catch it before it fell. She tried controlling the beam threatening to take over her face. “I mean, thank you, Madam.”

Lily left the sitting room with Emmeline in tow, and only when they were out of earshot was Lily finally able to relax and sigh. The visible release of tension from her mistress’ shoulders made Emmeline giggle. “Alright, Miss?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me _Lily_?” the said miss scolded, but only half-heartedly, because she couldn’t remove the smile on her face. “And yes, I’m alright, doing great, in fact! That’s a whole week before I can see Ra—uh, Madam Rasmond again, so yes, I’m doing great. Is Tuney really calling for me?”

“No, M—Lily,” Emmeline nervously giggled. “But she’s about to, I reckon. She came from the seamstress bearing dresses for the gala you two are supposed to attend tonight.”

Lily groaned internally just as she was reminded of it. “I thought she forgot about that!”

“You would hope so.”

“I _did_ hope so,” the redhead frowned. “But of course, Sir Vernon was the one who made attending the gala possible. I bet Tuney couldn’t let the opportunity pass.”

“Please don’t speak about betting,” Emmeline cautioned her, brown eyes widening, though there was a hint of deadpan in her tone. “Your sister would have a heart attack.”

“My sister isn’t here to hear it.”

“What am I not hearing?”

Both girls jumped at the new voice. Emmeline let out a small squeak and immediately bowed her head. Lily glanced at her attendant briefly before facing her sister. Petunia’s blonde hair had been pulled back to a tight bun, blue eyes flashing coldly, her lace-gloved arms crossed against her chest. Lily met her eyes with a smile. “Nothing of importance, Tuney.”

Petunia didn’t look convinced, but she chose to let it go, and ushered Lily inside the dressing room she was just standing next to. “Will you please drop that childish nickname? It is not—”

“—becoming of a lady, I know,” Lily scowled.

“Your face is not becoming of a lady either,” Petunia snapped at her. “You must be the perfect bride, and Vernon will help us find you a suitable husband, so be grateful to him.”

“He’s finding me someone who’d keep me in a house and make me his glorified maid, the way you’ve been doing,” Lily rolled her eyes, catching Emmeline’s eyes in the mirror, who was notably struggling not to laugh. “What joy.”

“Don’t be impertinent like that! Your husband may be your only key to having a decent life,” her sister’s voice dropped low. “Considering how much of a freak you are.”

Lily’s eyes flashed at the comment. “That’s uncalled for.”

“But it’s true.” The redhead’s fists clenched at Petunia’s haughty tone. Petunia gripped her shoulder tightly, meeting her eyes through the mirror. “It’s you and your freakishness’ fault why we’re waist-deep in debt. Vernon’s already saving us half the trouble, so it’s time for you to contribute for the family.”

            She felt like she swallowed nails. Lily bit down on her tongue, again, staring resolutely at her reflection in the mirror. Petunia had drawn back and instructed Emmeline on how she wanted her sister to look like, before throwing one last look and living the dressing room. Lily’s eyes glistened with tears, but she swallowed them down, ignoring Emmeline’s sympathetic look. “Are you ready, Miss?”

“Ready.”

* * *

 

Petunia hadn’t always hated her.

Or at least, Lily liked to believe so, because she could barely remember the time Petunia treated her like an actual sister, and not an object to be given to the first person who showed interest. She also liked to believe that like her, Petunia’s only doing these things because she had no choice, because she had to pay for their father’s remaining debts. She also liked to believe that she wasn’t what Petunia’s calling her to be—a… _freak_. Lily liked to believe a lot of things, if only to make herself feel better.

Feeling restless, Lily took out her match and flicked a fire, catching the flame with her hand and cradling it within her palm, before tossing it to her other palm. She could feel the flames licking her skin in the most comforting manner, warming her. Playing with fire was better than playing with her thoughts. Playing with fire was easy, a fluid motion she had memorized for a thousand times. Fire was something that actually liked her the way she liked it.

            It was also fire that sunk them down to the waves of debt. Also fire that worsened their father’s health and nearly drove their mother mad. But it wasn’t _Lily’s_ fire, or so she believed. Petunia didn’t think so. Everyone else who knew didn’t think so too.

“Lily!” Petunia half-shrieked, staring at the fire in her sister’s hands with wide eyes. “Are you _insane_? What if someone sees you?”

“There’s no one else in this room, Tuney.”

“We have a window if you haven’t noticed it, you _freak_ ,” Petunia hissed, glancing at the said window like someone would just pop up and alert the press. “Control that damn idiocy for tonight or I so swear to god—“

She had trailed off, but judging the way she narrowed her eyes and pulled her lips to her teeth, Lily knew her sister was holding back. “Find a husband. Don’t be a freak. And do _not_ call me Tuney. If you can abide by these rules for tonight, I’d clear your schedule next week of your lessons.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed. “ _All_ my lessons?”

“All your lessons,” Petunia confirmed. Then she smiled wryly, in that judgmental way of hers that Lily hated so much, and led her way out of the house, where a carriage was waiting for them. A beefy man who had taken much space already sat inside—Petunia’s fiancé, Vernon Dursley. Vernon worked in a bank, met Petunia through a mutual friend, and the latter decided that their mutual dislike for anything like _Lily_ sealed the deal. Or Lily thought so, but if this man managed to make her sister feel secure and… happy, well, who was she to interfere?

(Even if said man hated her with every muscle and bone in his body.)

“Lily,” he said civilly, eyeing her with distaste. Lily smiled politely, nodding her head in greeting. “Vernon. How are you?”

“Fine,” Vernon glanced at Petunia, who smiled at him amiably.

“Have you both decided where to be wed?”

Petunia grasped his hand and Lily shuddered at the sight, forcing herself to keep the smile on her face. _One week of no lessons, Evans. One week._ “I’ve told Vernon that the local chapel is fine, but he insisted on going to the city to look.”

“That’s marvelous,” Lily remarked, and the conversation have faded from there. Petunia and her fiancé talked in hushed whispers, and Lily pressed herself against the side of the carriage, trying to make herself disappear as the couple carried on their conversation. Instead, she paid attention to the view out the window.

            One particular building caught her attention—lights had been turned on in that building for once, dancing in the summer night, and Lily almost pressed her face against the window to have a better look. “Oh, lights have been turned on in that building!”

“Well, the freaks had taken residence again,” Vernon remarked off-handedly, and Lily flinched at the word, Petunia less visibly so. “They set up camp in the square, the numb skulls. Quite a ruckus it made too, crowds are swelling. It’s _mad_.”

“The shows must be good,” and at Vernon and Petunia’s glares she added, “if it’s getting such a crowd.”

“From nincompoops and common folks, sure. They’re so easily swayed, those gullible fools.”

“Don’t for a second try to go there, Lily,” Petunia regarded her coldly. “That’s no place for a proper lady.”

 _I’m not a proper lady. Freak, remember?_ But Lily swallowed down the words and just smiled at her sister, refusing to answer instead, and turning her gaze towards the dancing lights, watching as they faded away from view.

            Vernon had the same strong views as Lily’s friend, Severus. For some reason, Severus hated the Hogwarts Circus deeply, scowling at the mere mention of its name, acting much like an offended snake when Lily suggested checking it out. The Hogwarts Circus had been around for quite some time, but the last time their building had been alive was five years ago. It went on a world tour, travelling to the Americas and the East and Australia, and Lily had hoped she’d see it this time around.

But Lily supposed that would have to wait, and sooner or later she’d have to face the dreaded party they were attending that night. The party Vernon was taking them to was at Godric’s Hollow, specifically in the Potter’s Estate, hosted by none other than Duke Fleamont. _Not up to par with Blacks and Lestranges,_ Vernon had said to Petunia, _but nobility, nonetheless. There’s bound to be at least one gentleman who’d be caught with your sister._

Lily didn’t get the implications of Vernon’s undertones—why on earth would they go to that party if Vernon didn’t like the hosts—and she didn’t bother try and understanding it. Vernon was an ambitious man, much like Petunia. Maybe that was why Petunia liked him. They didn’t mind who the hosts were, as long as it happens within a social circle they’d particularly like to infiltrate, possibly by scoring a husband for Lily. Lily, who didn’t give two fucks (pardon her French) about marriage, would basically be showcased to the circle to earn a suitor or two.

Hah. That was why Petunia didn’t hesitate to spend too much on Lily’s dress for that night. Normally, she’d let her sister wear rags if it meant saving money.

The carriage dropped them off in front of an impressively huge white mansion. The garden was well kept, and the sweet scent of flowers filled the summer air. There was a bloody _fountain_ in the middle of the garden, and Lily marveled at the sight of it just for a bit, until Petunia grabbed her by the shoulders and inspected her form.

“Don’t slouch,” Petunia (almost) barked. “Remember our deal, Lily.”

“Of course,” Lily mumbled, straightening out an invisible crease in her dress. She donned a square neckline deep emerald dress, just a few shades darker than her own eyes, revealing her collar bones. Sleeves were tight at the shoulder and flared at the wrists, the gown widening down her hips. Her auburn hair was held up in pretty curls, with strategically placed wisps framing her face. Her form seemingly passing Petunia’s inspection, the older Evans gave a curt nod and placed a hand on Vernon’s crooked arm. Taking the left side, Lily took a deep breath.

 _Well,_ she roamed her eyes. People already littered the front hall. _Let the madness begin._

* * *

 

The first few hours weren’t madness, per se.

            In fact, Lily even found it quite boring, mingling with socialites and Vernon’s colleagues, and Petunia took her time introducing Lily. When she finally found an excuse, she pulled herself away from the crowd and stood by the sidelines, holding a delicate glass of champagne and taking small sips. Some people, she could recognize. People who had huge businesses, merchants of their own league, some more nobility and peers, but she had yet to meet the hosts.

“Enjoying the party, dear?”

An aged woman smiled at her kindly, standing beside her. Lily almost choked but managed to gain her bearings in time. “As enjoyable as these parties come, ma’am.”

“You mean, dreadfully boring then?” the woman’s hazel eyes twinkled when she rolled them, and Lily found herself chuckling a bit. “I did not say that outright.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a bit of honesty, love,” the woman winked, and Lily let out a laugh. “Fine, but I still won’t say it outright. I don’t want to offend the hosts.”

“Something tells me the hosts wouldn’t mind,” the woman gave her a coy smile, but before the redhead can understand what that implied she had turned her gaze towards the crowd. “Ah, parties didn’t seem so boring before. I miss my boys. They cause quite a scene whenever there are parties like this, but they’re scenes I quite enjoy… even if I have to pretend to scold them about it.”

“You have sons, then?”

“Yes,” the woman smiled at her. “Something tells me you’d be great friends, if you met them.”

Great friends, she said. Not even good. _Great_. “Where are they?” then catching herself, added, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Finding their adventure,” the woman smiled, and then turned to look at her with wide eyes. “I can see my husband looking for me. I have to find another place. Ta, darling!”

And before she can even blink, the kind woman had disappeared in the crowd, and Lily found herself looking for Petunia, just in case _she_ was looking for her, but when she saw her talking amiably with Vernon to another man, she let her gaze flit away, to another girl who stood by the sidelines. This one was smaller than Lily, with brown hair curled around her shoulders and friendly brown eyes. She stood with grace, even though she seemed too small.

“Hello,” Lily greeted her. The girl jumped a bit, before finding Lily’s eyes and sheepishly grinning. “Apologies, my lady.”

“I’m no lady,” Lily laughed. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, well,” the girl cleared her throat. “It’s the first party I’m attending without my brothers. They’re usually the ones who do all the talking. Oh, my name is Alice, by the way.”

“Lily,” she graciously accepted the offered hand. “The crowd is unbelievable.”

“The Potters _are_ well known,” Alice said with a soft smile. “And magnificently kind, too. Did you know that the Duke had talked to the Queen—the _Queen_!—about slavery?”

“Isn’t the Queen his sister?”

“Yes, but normally no nobility paid attention to their slaves,” Alice sighed. “Our family used to be the Potters’ help.”

“Oh?”

“When the Duke inherited the estate and the property, he insisted on paying my grandfather. When he had earned enough, the Duke encouraged him to set up his own business. Now we’re well into the trade of garments and fabric. We owe a lot to them, even if we were once their slaves,” Alice continued. “I can’t understand why other nobility don’t like them.”

Lily could. The Potters were threading dangerous waters, challenging millenia-old practice like that. Other nobilities who would like to preserve their power and elitism would like to preserve the tradition, no matter how inhumane it was. But when she opened her mouth to say this to Alice, a shadow appeared by her elbow. “Severus!”

“Lily,” he greeted, then sneered at the suddenly smaller Alice. “What are you doing, talking to third rate scum like her?”

Alice looked down, mumbling an excuse before hurrying herself away, not seeing how Lily fixed Severus a glare. “Third rate scum?”

“She came from a family of _slaves,_ Lil.”

“Don’t call me Lil,” Lily’s green eyes flashed dangerously. All previous thoughts of relief at seeing a familiar face had vanished. “They’re not slaves, Sev, they’re hired help. Duke Potter _paid_ them.”

“Alright,” Severus grumbled, raising both arms in surrender. “I’m sorry. I don’t think it would do you good to associate yourself with the likes of her, though. Her brothers are part of the freakshow they call Hogwarts.”

“How is _that_ your business?”

“Greedy money-makers bent on deceiving the public is _my_ business Lily, I work for Governor Riddle, remember?”

Ah, right. Riddle. Lily almost forgot that the reason she was seeing less of Severus lately was because he had a job under Governor Tom Marvolo Riddle, who Lily doesn’t think was a better man than anyone else. She frowned, still upset. “There was still no need to call Alice like that. She’s a nice girl.”

“I’m sorry,” Severus repeated, this time with a soft pleading look in his eyes. “I just don’t want you to be jeopardized, Lily. I’m really sorry.”

“You should apologize to her first,” Lily sniffed. “I wasn’t the one you called a—”

“Lily! There you are!” Petunia had arrived, half looking irritated and the other half appraising Severus’, which immediately formed into a disproving frown. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Come, I’ll introduce you to Lord Fenwick.”

Tossing Severus a scolding glance—one that told him he must still find Alice and apologize—Lily let Petunia take her back to Vernon’s company, who was conversing with a middle-aged man. Still a few meters away and out of earshot, Lily clutched Petunia’s arm back. “Surely you wouldn’t want me to marry an older man!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Petunia whispered to her harshly. “The Baron has a son a bit older than you but that’s better than nothing. And even if I did want you to marry an older man, what could you do about it?”

 _I could run away and never look back_ , Lily thought bitterly, before letting an automatic smile take over her lips as they approached the two gentlemen. Petunia immediately latched onto Vernon, gesturing loosely towards her sister. “Lord Fenwick! This is my sister whom I was speaking of.”

“A pleasure to meet you, my lord,” Lily curtsied politely. The Baron appraised her, smiling, before kissing the back of her hand. “The pleasure is mine, miss. And you say she’s an accomplished ballerina, Mr. Dursley?”

“Yes, sire,” Vernon’s ridiculous mustache twitched. “She’s training under Madam Beaumont’s expertise.”

“Madam Beaumont! How lovely!” Lord Fenwick met her gaze. “You must perform at my son’s birthday, you simply must!”

“Oh, I’m not that good my lord—”

“Nonsense,” Lord Fenwick shook his head. “Any student of Madam Beaumont is good enough. Besides, the celebration would take place still a month away, so you still have time. What say you, Mr. Dursley? Ms. Evans?”

“We’d be delighted, Lord Fenwick,” Petunia tossed Lily a pleased look—the first she had given her in _years_ —and turned to the baron with a huge smile. “I will have Lily prepared in no time.”

“Lovely,” Lord Fenwick beamed. “Though I do hope it won’t get in the preparations for your wedding? I understand preparations for a matrimonial ceremony may be overwhelming.”

“It’s not a bother, my lord,” Petunia assured him, obviously not bothering to know whether _Lily_ was bothered or not. “Besides, Vernon and I are not in a hurry.”

“It would take three months to finish all papers necessary for my transfer,” Vernon informed the baron. “Petunia and I are planning to get married then.”

“Best of my wishes, then,” the baron laughed good-naturedly, but all Lily could hear was a persistent ringing in her ears. “Paris is a lovely place to settle.”

 _Paris? PARIS?_ Lily glared at Petunia, who was carefully avoiding her gaze, so she took it upon herself to hold the blonde by the shoulder forcefully, giving the gentlemen a lame excuse to go to the powder room. Once relatively alone, Lily faced her sister in fury, quite aware that she was flushed with her anger. “Paris, Tuney? Paris! And you didn’t think of informing me about this?”

“What does it matter?” Petunia asked haughtily, turning her nose up. “It’s not like you’re coming with us.”

“I—” Lily faltered. She clenched her fists around her skirts. “I’m not?”

“Of course not,” Petunia eyed her with distaste. “By then you would be married too, hopefully to the Lord Fenwick’s heir.”

The redhead almost fell back in shock. So _that_ was why her sister was so intent with marrying her off. Not because of their father’s debt, and not because she wanted Lily to be a reputable woman with a reputable husband. Because she’s _leaving_ , and going away, probably excited to start a new life without Lily in it.

“You must understand, Lily.” Petunia seemed agitated herself, smoothing out her skirts but refusing to look at her own sister. “I simply cannot take you under my wing forever. Vernon is a good man, and he’s willing to take me though I have not much to offer. He’s willing to offer me a good life, away from… from all these. So, yes, we’re moving to Paris. Together. And we’d get married there.”

“You wouldn’t—” Lily swallowed. “You wouldn’t even let me see your wedding?”

Petunia huffed, crossing her arms. “Don’t be dramatic. You’ll be married too. It’ll all work out. Now, let’s go back before the gentlemen wonders why we took so long. I don’t want to blow your chances with Lord Fenwick.”

            Lily watched as her sister hurriedly left, her blonde hair bobbing as she walked, and Lily felt weakened. She knew her sister hated her, but not to this extent. To be so discarding of her. Surely, deep inside, she still cared? Even for a bit?

She walked back into the ballroom, still upset. She immediately found Petunia and Vernon and the Baron, and they’re conversing with new people too. Not in the mood for pleasantry, Lily opted to escape so she exited through the back door, already half running, and didn’t stop until the chilly night air hit her skin and burst in her lungs. Only when she was in the company of moonlight did she let her tears fall, cursing Petunia, cursing Vernon, and the Baron and this stupid party and her stupid ability.

Lily felt trapped, so she kept walking, letting her feet wander in the estate’s garden maze. Her hands worked through her hair in a frustrated manner, letting all her emotions pour as she unstuck every pin Emmeline had pushed down on her scalp, letting her hair stumble out of its pretty bun and down past her shoulders.  Her head was filled with all the emotions and she was bursting with them, all those repressed anger and swallowed hatred. She felt like she had failed herself. She felt like her guilt had eaten all her chances of a life that she wanted to live.

“Bloody buggering _fuck_ ,” she hissed, before realizing that she had went deeper into the maze than she had intended, and now moon was barely able to cast her a light. She reached for her matches and lit a fire, letting it flicker for a bit before having it dance in her palm, lightening her way. “Damn it.”

She sank down to her feet. Her dress was sure to catch some dirt, and Petunia would surely notice later, but she wasn’t planning on showing herself back at the party. She met that lovely woman and Alice, and then she also saw Severus, but instead of being a nice omen it all went downhill from there. Now she’s being married off, left in the country, while her sister created a new life for herself and her new family with no visible plans of involving Lily in it. Her tears fell consequently, and she had cursed more, because she hated this, she hated this, _she hated this_. “DAMN IT!”

“I don’t think the bush deserves all this hostility, miss.”

Lily startled at the sound of a low voice. She sprang to her feet and quelled her fire in panic, her eyes scanning her surroundings warily. “Who’s there?”

“It’s alright,” the voice continued. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Well, show yourself then,” she let the irritation seep into her voice. She was not in the mood to play games, not after this night. Sensing her mood, the shadows to her right moved, and a man stepped into what little light the moon can provide. He was quite tall, with Lily only reaching his shoulders, so she had to crane her neck a bit to look at his face. She couldn’t see clearly in the dark, but she saw a glint of gold, so some eyeglasses, maybe? And sharp jawline, and high cheekbones. “Can you light us some fire again?”

Remembering herself, Lily clutched her matches. “I don’t think the matches can hold for long.”

“I’m not speaking about the matches,” the man had a nice voice to listen to. It was low, but not of the scary sort, and as of the moment sounded too amused for Lily’s liking.

“Have you been spying on me?”

“Not really spying, just observing. You’re the one who walked into my secret territory, carrying fire in your hands. Forgive me if I have no idea how to start a conversation with a girl who can hold fire.”

At the reminder, Lily stepped back a bit and bowed her head, her voice receding into a mere whisper. “Please don’t tell anyone. It’s—I’m—”

“I won’t tell anyone, miss,” the voice chuckled good-naturedly. “I know a secret when I see one, and I have quite a few secrets of mine.”

“I don’t think any of your secrets are relatively close to mine in gravity.”

“Cocky, aren’t we?” Lily chortled at the remark, but he didn’t seem the least bit put off. “Well, if you must know, I’m quite the magician myself.”

“Magician?” the lady snorted. “Pulled any rabbits out of hats lately?”

“I did, just the other night, actually,” the voice sounded amused. “But that trick gets old quick, so I moved on to pulling elephants out of hats.”

Lily thought he was joking, but it didn’t seem like he was, so she fell silent, unsure of what to say next.

“Did you come from the party?” he asked again.

Lily nodded, though remembering he can probably see just as poorly as she does, cleared her throat. “Um, yes. My sister’s fiancé brought us. Did you?”

“Oh,” the man waved his hand casually. “I came from around here. Why were you torturing the poor bush, though? What had it done to gravely offend you?”

“It seemed like the perfect target,” Lily felt warmth seep up her neck, and thanked the heavens it was dark so the stranger couldn’t see her. “My… my sister wants to marry me off.”

“She does?”

“Yes, and not just because she wants the dowry to pay for our father’s debts. Or because she wants me to settle. She wants to marry me off as soon as possible so she can go to France with her fiancé and play house,” Lily clutched her skirts bitterly at the reminder. “Though I can’t blame her for wanting to leave.”

“I take it you’re not a fan of marriage?”

“I’m not a fan of a forced marriage for the sake of stability,” she cleared. “I’m not a fan of anything forced at all. I’d rather die alone than spend the rest of my life with someone who I was forced to tolerate.”

“Ah… a romantic at heart, then?”

“So and so,” Lily looked down. “That’s a bit of impossibility, though. Freak ability tends to tamper chances at true love.”

“What? Why?”

“You said so yourself,” Lily laughed. “It’s hard to strike a conversation with a girl who can hold fire.”

“Yet I was able to.”

Lily paused, eyeing the dark figure. “Yet you were able to. But you’re a bit different, aren’t you?”

“Well… can’t say that’s not true.”

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

 He laughed when she mimicked his earlier statement. She felt something simmer pleasantly deep in her stomach at the sound of his laughter. “You’re the one who said it.”

When their laughter died down, he cleared his throat again. “Want to see a magic trick?”

“I don’t think the Potters would appreciate an elephant in their garden, sir.”

“I have _other_ tricks up my sleeve, miss.” She couldn’t see him, but she was sure he rolled his eyes. “So, want to see it?”

“Go ahead. Let’s see what you’ve got, magician.”

At her words, they faced each other fully. He had reached into his coat pocket that had Lily stepping back—the man was still a stranger, after all—but he just pulled out a mere deck of cards and played with it for a bit. “How familiar are you with card tricks?”

“I’ve had someone guess the card I had in mind.”

The man snorted, obviously judging that trick as simple and basic, letting the cards fly from one hand to the other. “Alright. What you’re about to see is a trick I’m still perfecting, and I haven’t performed it in front of anyone else.”

With a deep breath, he picked a random card from the deck and tapped it on his sleeves. Lily rolled her eyes, but focused on him still, and watched as he blew on it and held it in the air between them. “Blow on it, miss.”

She thought it was ridiculous, but humored the stranger who had listened to her troubles.

As soon as she blew the card, the man let it go, and the card was simply hanging in the air between them, floating. Lily’s jaw fell open as she stared at it, swiping her hand above and below it, but finding no string attached whatsoever.

“Are you doubting my magic?” the man asked as he chuckled at her actions.

“Well it _is_ the first time I’m seeing something like this,” Lily defended, though she crossed her arms so she wouldn’t be tempted to swipe her arms around the card again. The man raised a hand, his smiling voice surrounding her. “It’s not done yet.”

The moment he snapped his fingers, the card disintegrated in front of them, and Lily heard herself gasp when the tiny pieces of what used to be cards became little specks of light. _Fireflies_.

“This is impossible,” she whispered, eyes following the little fireflies as it fluttered all about them. When she turned her gaze back to the man, she found him staring back at her, and she barely held a gasp at _that_ , as he was impossibly good to look at. Not in a devastatingly handsome way, but in a quirky, endearing way, especially with that ridiculous messy hair of his that seemed to stick at every corner. The bone structure under the moonlight suggested that, of course, but with ample light between them she could fully appreciate his hazel eyes, alight with mischief, flecks playing between green and gold and blue, his lips upturned to a small smile. She felt her heart stutter.

 _Oh, shit_.

“I’m James, by the way.”

She shyly returned his smile, now aware that her hair was probably all over the place, worse looking than his. “Lily.”


	2. Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily might be in love, but don't tell her that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I keep writing angst even though I've clearly told myself that this would not be one. Never fear, though. I couldn't handle angst even if it held me at knife-point.

Of course she’d be attracted to someone she met under the moonlight.

            But James turned out to be better company than Petunia or Vernon, so she subconsciously decided not to return to the party anymore (not that she was planning to, anyway), listening to him talk (brag, actually) about his magic tricks, and his mates, one of them he fondly called Padfoot, and they seemed to have done a lot of shenanigans together that he was more than willing to share. They sat side by side, surrounded by fireflies, having a strangely good time together.

“Where have you learned to do magic tricks?”

“My father has a friend,” James sounded amused. “He taught me basic ones when I was young. Since then I haven’t stopped pestering him to teach me more. Impressive, isn’t it?”

Lily almost barked out a laugh. “Fishing, sir? And yes, it’s impressive, if that brings you peace, but only because I haven’t seen others who’ve done it. Is it a useful skill to have?”

“It makes people happy,” then he grinned cheekily. “And it impresses the ladies.”

“Ah, I see,” Lily’s eyebrows rose. “Impressing ladies, huh?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” he backtracked immediately, appearing alarmed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t go around impressing ladies as a habit. Just for really special ones, like… a redhead who can hold fire.”

“Why are you so alarmed?” Lily giggled— _giggled! Like a schoolgirl!_ —and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s alright, I get what you mean.”

“Just don’t want you to misunderstand,” he mumbled. “But I seriously haven’t met anyone like you, and I work in a circus. How long have you been able to do that?”

“Since I was young.”

“Really?”

“Yes, had an accident about it and everything,” she sighed. “I never quite understood how it happened too. No one in my family can do it… at least, none that I know of. My f-father told me that when I was born they knew I was uh, different. Hang on,” her eyebrows furrowed. “Did you say you work in a circus?”

“Yes,” James flipped a card he took from his pocket. “The Hogwarts Circus, to be specific.”

“Oh you’re one of _them_?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing of importance, just some… talk of the town that you’re faking acts to get money from the public.”

“Have you been reading Skeeter, miss?” James drew away from her, tossing his card up in the air and catching it back in one fluid motion. “Can’t believe I’m talking to a bird who reads _Skeeter_.”

“Wait so now _I’m_ a bird? I’m sorry, I do not mean to offend,” the words tumbled out of her mouth, rushing, because she (maybe) doesn’t want James to leave because her tone was a bit off. “And I do not read Skeeter, what do you think of me? It’s just what everyone else is saying and I…”

“If that’s what’s ‘everyone’ is saying, then I am seriously doubting the kind of company you keep. Well, considering you’ve been invited to a party like this—”

“And what is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Nothing of importance,” he mimicked, and then Lily was certain that she was being mocked. She stood abruptly, feeling strangely upset. “I think I need to head back, my sister might be looking for me.”

“No, wait,” James stood after her. His gaze softened, and under the moonlight and fireflies he did appear to be quite apologetic. “I’m sorry. But y—it’s just, Hogwarts is very dear to me, I just can’t stomach hearing someone badmouthing it.”

“I wasn’t _badmouthing_ your cir—”

“But you were thinking it, weren’t you?”

Lily blinked, dropping her hurry and smiling stiffly at the magician. “Are you a telepath now too?”

“Can’t tell you,” James stood properly and shoved a hand down his pocket. His other hand was busy twisting a card repeatedly, spinning and spinning and spinning. “And I suppose I can’t blame you too the opinion that was influenced on you. But please do allow me to change your perception of Hogwarts.”

He flipped the card in front of her face. Lily stared at it, having enough light to make out the words _Hogwarts Circus: Wonderland of Tales and Magic_ , before receiving it with both hands. It seemed to contain details about the shows, including schedules and the titles of the performances.

“If you can come,” James’ voice receded into a whisper. His eyes bore into hers intensely, but his smile was gentle. “I’d gladly change your mind.”

“Alright,” Lily conceded. She would be lying if she said her curiosity wasn’t piqued, but her schedule wasn’t really that flexible, considering everything that happened tonight. “But no promises.”

“I’ll take that,” James winked. He stood straight, looking around properly. “Do you want to get out of this maze, then?”

“You know how to get out of this maze?” she asked as he led the way, and this time she also humored him by holding out fire for them.

“Sort of, I’ve memorized this place since I was ten.”

“You must come here a lot, then?”

“Oh, I’m a regular,” he threw her a smile over his shoulder, his gaze momentarily stopping at the fire in her hand. “How does that feel like?”

“This? Uh,” Lily concentrated, staring at her own fire. “Like warm weight dancing on my palm, I suppose.”

“It doesn’t hurt?”

“Not at all.”

“Can you make it move?”

“Ah,” Lily’s smile turned a bit more forced. His curiosity was cute and endearing in a way, if only it wasn’t focused on things that she finds traumatic. “Haven’t tried that yet.”

Perhaps sensing that the topic wasn’t a good one for a first meeting, he moved on, eyes alight. “I have a mate in the circus who tried an act with fire once.”

“Padfoot?”

“You remembered,” there was a quick gleam in his eyes. Now that he mentioned working in a circus, it was easier to imagine the previous shenanigans he had recounted with his mates, like she could definitely see it happening in front of her eyes. “Well yes, that mate. His main act is his scary accuracy with knives. He’s so accurate with it he can probably stick it through a person’s heart if he wants.”

“That’s scary.”

“It is, especially if you’re at the pointy end,” he shuddered. “One time, he lit his knives on fire.”

“ _What_?”

“I know!” James nodded eagerly. “He oiled the blades and everything. The fire held, of course, but they badly singed his wheel target that we had to make him a new one.”

“Was he able to pull it off?”

“Not really,” James chuckled. “His usual target, Pete, didn’t agree to it, and even Minnie, our logistics manager, opposed. Said the act wasn’t worth having one of us hospitalized because of it. Padfoot was quite upset.”

“Fire _is_ dangerous,” Lily mused, glancing at the fire on the palm of her hand. Then, realizing they were now closer to the mansion, she quickly extinguished it and placed both hands behind her back, like that would hide the things her hands could do.

“This is our stop,” James had announced with a flourish. When he faced Lily, he laid out his hand which the lady hesitantly took. He pressed his lips against the back of her hand lightly, not taking his eyes from hers. “A pleasure, miss.”

“Likewise.”

She had already taken several steps ahead of him when he spoke again. “I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

Feeling a little braver, she looked over her shoulder and sent him a coy smile. “We’ll see.”

            She turned back, feeling a lot better than when she entered that maze alone. We’ll see, indeed.

* * *

 

“Where did you go last night?”

“Hmm?” Lily hummed as she brushed her hair, momentarily meeting Petunia’s cutting gaze in the mirror before focusing her attention to her own reflection. She didn’t know what was unique about the day, but her eyes seemed to appear brighter. She also didn’t seem to mind the freckles on her face, that on most days she had loathed the most. She wasn’t even bothered by Petunia’s suspicious gaze, and _that_ was saying something. “We went to the Potters’ party, remember? I know I don’t matter much to you but surely you’d remember that I sat in front of you inside the carriage.”

“Don’t sass me, Lily,” Petunia snapped. “I meant, after we… talked, you didn’t return to the party, and I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“Oh, after we talked, I went outside for fresh air. I felt too tired then so I just went back to the carriage, where you and your dearest Vernon found me. Why?”

“You missed meeting the hosts. Their only son even showed up, it would’ve been lovely if you had met him.”

Honestly, Lily couldn’t be bothered by Petunia’s one-track-mind of finding her a husband. It didn’t seem to matter to her, no matter how many Fenwicks or whoever Petunia managed to introduce to her.

_Ah, I’m dead_ , she mused. _Wonderfully, blissfully, dead._

“I thought you didn’t approve of the Potters,” Lily remarked lightly, though there wasn’t any bite to her tone.

“Doesn’t matter to me as much as it should matter to _you_ ,” Petunia turned her nose up, though her eyes still had that suspicion as she watched Lily airily tie ribbons in her hair. “Besides, a Duke is remarkably higher than a Baron.”

“Of course that’s what would matter to you.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Lily smiled, setting her brush aside and then standing and turning around to face her sister. “Am I to meet Madam Beaumont today? I should rehearse for Lord Fenwick’s son’s birthday, right?”

“Yes,” Petunia’s eyebrows knotted. “What’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with me? Why, is there something wrong?”

“No… yes!” Petunia nearly snarled in frustration. “You’re so… chirpy! Tell her, Emmeline, there’s something wrong with her today, isn’t there?”

Emmeline, who had been folding clothes neatly on top of Lily’s bed, startled at the sudden attention focused on her. “I wouldn’t go as calling it _wrong_ , Miss Petunia. I think Miss Lily is simply… happy.”

Oh. Was she acting happy? Was she happy? Lily couldn’t remember the last time she felt this lighthearted, like a burden had been lifted off her chest. Though she knew that this kind of happiness would be temporary at best, she intended to make the most out of it. While it lasted.

A disheartening shriek interrupted her thoughts. Lily and Petunia’s eyes briefly held in panic, before both had rushed out of the room and down the hallway, into the room where their mother stayed.

“Don’t come in!” Petunia harshly warned her, making Lily stop by the doorway and stare wide eyed as the blonde tried to placate their mother, who kept on thrashing wildly on the bed. “Mother! Mum!”

“No! No! Fire! My husband! No!”

“Mum,” Petunia was repeating, over and over, like a plea. “Mum, it’s alright. There’s no fire, see? It’s alright.”

“Fire! Fire!”

Then she was pointing at Lily, and the latter couldn’t do anything but stand and gape. “Fire!”

“What are you still doing here?” her older sister threw her a dirty look. “Get out!”

“But Tuney—”

“Get _out_ , Lily! You’re no help here!”

Emmeline had rushed in immediately, passing by Lily, who fell a step back and out of the room, obscuring her view of the situation. The attendant sent Lily a look between sympathy and apology and shut the door in her face.

Lily swallowed a lump in her throat, clenching her shaking fists as she stared at the closed door. Her heart pounded heavily inside her chest, tightening in pain the longer she thought about the broken expression on her mother’s face, the raw and genuine fear as she looked at her daughter. Petunia may call her a freak a hundred times a day, but she never felt like one until her mother looked at her that way. Freak. Monster.

Just standing there physically hurt, so she turned and walked away, down towards her own room, falling on the floor and pressing her hands to her ear so she wouldn’t hear the agonized screams.

_How can you convince anyone that it wasn’t your fault_ , she thought. _When you did_ this _?_

After a while, after the screaming had stopped and all seemed to have calmed down, Emmeline knocked on her door and offered her a small smile. “Miss Petunia told me to accompany you to Madam Beaumont’s. Shall I have the carriage prepared?”

“No,” Lily hesitated. “Can we walk to Madam Beaumont’s instead?”

Emmeline’s smile was kind and understanding. “Of course, Miss.”

* * *

 

Walking was at least able to help her clear her mind, and served as a warm-up exercise before she concentrated all her efforts to understanding the technicalities and movements of ballet.

Madam Beaumont taught ballet inside a huge building, where the walls were lined with mirrors, and there were huge windows where passersby sometimes stop to look. The reputable woman’s establishment was the first of its kind, after all, and she _had_ studied in the _Académie Royale de Danse_ in France, and her reputation preceded her. This was why ladies of all kinds clamor to get her as a tutor.

Out of all the things Petunia made her do, ballet was actually one of the few ones she had actually enjoyed. Dancing came easy to her, moving as gracefully as water but as powerfully as fire. After all, she had started studying the art at ten—with Petunia, before, but after the latter had decided to forego it and concentrate on sewing instead, Lily had been left to perfect it. She liked how organized ballet was. How it demanded elaborate and precise movements that required rigorous training to be executed well.

But she also hated how constricting it can be.

“ _Four_ , pirouettes, Lily, four!”

“But it takes five for the next move,” Lily protested. “It won’t be in time with the music, the rhythm would be off—”

“Were you the one who studied in France?” Madam Beaumont all but growled. “Were you the one who spent days and weeks, mon dieu, grueling _hours_ studying routine? No? I thought so. Do as I say, Miss Evans, if you please.”

Lily scowled and prepared herself as the music started again. The four pirouettes Madam Beaumont wanted was simply impossible.

After failing for the nth time, Madam Beaumont told her she ought to take a break and stopped the music. Lily walked towards Emmeline, who sat among the chairs and had been watching the rehearsals. “Do you want some sherbet lemon, miss? It is unbelievably hot today.”

“No, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Emmeline,” Lily sighed, untying the ribbons of her ballet shoes and massaging her foot. “I am sure.”

“Alright,” Emmeline nodded. “Please don’t think much about what happened this morning, Lily.”

“It happens a lot, Em. I’m used to it by now.”

“I guess so… but you’ve been in such a good mood this morning. You didn’t even complain when Petunia arranged a meeting with Madame Beaumont even if you had a deal of a week of no lessons,” Emmeline looked downright regretful that Lily had to place her feet down and look at her attendant in concern. “As I said, it happens a lot. Don’t worry about it, Emmeline.”

“But I’ve never seen you so happy,” Emmeline mourned. “I would like to see you happy more often.”

            Lily felt warmth spread inside her chest. Emmeline had been with her for so long that she was used with her company, but Lily never thought her attendant looked out that much for her. Like… like she was her friend. Lily smiled and stood, taking Emmeline by surprise. “Is that offer for sherbet still up? We should go get some.”

Emmeline looked surprised then broke into a smile. “Are you sure? Wouldn’t Miss Beaumont be mad?”

“Well, I _am_ on break,” Lily shrugged, slipping into her regular boots and appraising the sunny weather outside. “I won’t be missed for a few more minutes.”

            People of all sorts and kinds welcomed them as they walked to the busier parts of the city. Lily and Emmeline bought their sherbet, choosing a seat by the windows of the shop as they delighted on their treat. “If I may ask, what put you in such a good mood this morning? Did something nice happen at the party?”

“I met nice… people.”

“People,” Emmeline’s eyebrows raised.

“Yes, well, there was this kind lady. She seemed to be used to parties but she’s somehow like me, you know? She doesn’t seem to enjoy them much. And there was Alice too, but Severus chased her off so—”

“Mr. Severus was there?”

“Yes,” Lily frowned. “Probably went there as a representative of Lord Riddle.”

“But I take it he wasn’t the reason of your good mood?”

“No, I… I also met another man.”

Emmeline’s eyes lit up and Lily flushed at the implication. “It’s not like that!”

“Do tell, Miss Lily.”

“Eh, well,” Lily swallowed a spoon of the sherbet. “Petunia and I sort of argued, at the party. I left to get fresh air, and I saw him—well, actually, he saw me. I was sort of… cursing this bush at the Potters’ garden.”

“Oh, poor bush,” Emmeline chuckled, as she was familiar with Lily and her cursing.

“Right, and we just talked under the moonlight and everything. He was a magician, Em, and he worked at the circus, and he made fireflies appear because it was too dark for both of us. It was so… _wonderful_.”

“A magician… your type is certainly unique, miss. You had a merchant and a scholar as suitors before, but as it turns out you’d fall in love with a magician.”

“Don’t say that,” Lily protested. “I’m not in love with him or anything, not at a first meeting. I just enjoyed his company, he’s quite different from the people I usually talk to.”

“I’m guessing he is,” the attendant brushed a hand over her brown shoulder. “So when are you meeting him again?”

Lily felt too warm, again, and she blamed it entirely on the hot noon sun. “He actually invited me to see the circus show tonight, and I said I’ll think about it.”

“And have you made up your mind?”

Lily bit her lip guiltily. “Will you help me?”

“Of course!” Emmeline chuckled. “It would be a bit hard to get past your sister but I’m pretty sure we can pull it off. So, how does he look like?”

“Oh he has the brightest eyes I’ve ever seen Em, he was tall and lean and lanky, and had dark hair, like that man ove—wait, that’s him!” Lily shot up from her seat with her eyes wide, green orbs fixed on the man standing on a pavement near the streets, wearing a deep brown coat and having an audience gathered before him. She would never forget that mess of hair and those heavy eyebrows, that lax in gait and confidence in movement.

She pulled Emmeline to her feet, crossing the street to join the crowds that have gathered. Closer, she noticed that there was another familiar face with James—Severus.

“—kind sir, since you have gleefully volunteered, please do refrain from opening your mouth, we already have a lot of nasties in the air, you don’t need to add to it,” James was saying, beaming in good humor when the audience laughed with him. He was playing with a cane in his hands again, and Lily’s smile turned into a frown, a cold weight settling in her chest. James hadn’t seen her yet, though, and he continued to tap various parts of Severus’ person with his cane, which Severus harshly slapped away.

“I am _not_ to partake in this idiocy, Po—”

“Hang on, I believe you have something of mine? Can you please check your pockets?”

Severus’ black eyes narrowed, but his hands shoved into his coat pockets, mumbling quite angrily. “Why would I have anything that is—”

He froze. When he pulled his hand out, two white doves came out with them, flying in circles above the audience before fluttering in flight. Severus looked gobsmacked, while the crowd erupted in cheers and applause.

“It’s surely a trick,” Severus hissed. “He probably put them in there beforehand!”

“Now, now,” James smiled innocently. “How could I have done that?”

He twirled his cane upwards, and it ‘accidentally’ knocked off Severus’ top hat, and out of there flew another white dove that had the audience clapping and laughing. Severus went red with anger and scowled, leaning down to get his hat, but as he bent over another dove flew out from below his coat, surprising him and sending him toppling over his own feet and he smacked against the pavement, planting his own face on the dirt. The audience laughed louder, and even James had the trouble of holding back his laughter. Severus looked terribly embarrassed that Lily had to step forward, despite Emmeline holding on to her sleeve.

“What the fucking hell is this?” she said loudly, that some of the crowd went silent and turned towards her direction. Both James and Severus looked at her too, and while the former looked surprised at her appearance, the latter looked more embarrassed. Lily glared at the audience first before looking at James, who stepped back anxiously at having to directly face the brunt of her anger. Of course he would, he knew she can hold fire. “Is this what you call an entertainment? At the expense of other people? I thought this city would know better than that.”

James looked mighty offended but he had to somehow stand for himself so he said, “He was asking for it!”

“How? By offending you? Then God forbid anyone offend you then, they’d hate to be ad lib, acting as _your_ laughingstock,” Lily snapped, her red hair flying around her fiercely when she turned to Severus and held out her hand. “Are you alright, Sev?”

“I don’t need help from uncouth savages like you!” he stood on his own, and when he realized what he had said his eyes widened imperceptibly, but Lily had already drawn back her hand, her face set in stone as she stared at him coldly. “Alright. Have fun being their source of _joy_ , then.”

She turned her back, her eyes glistening, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and marched forward. She vaguely heard James call out her name, but she continued walking, towards Emmeline who eyed her with concern. “Lily—”

“I’m alright, Emmeline,” she forced out, and evaded Emmeline’s concerns. Her anger tunneled her mind to further thoughts that only worsened the feeling, so she walked fast, trying to control her breathing. When she returned, the ballet mistress seemed just as angry as she was.

“ _Où étiez-vous_? I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I know you’re not pleased with me but this is extremely unprofessional of you Miss Evans! Have you considered just how many girls want to be in your position, but here you are, being extremely ungrateful when your sister all but _begged_ me to help y—”

Lily raised her hand, taking Madam Beaumont by surprise, and effectively rendering her speechless. “I quit.”

“ _What_?”

“I. Quit,” she repeated between gritted teeth, emphasizing her words. “It has been nice to work with you Madam Beaumont, and the years of wisdom you had imparted upon me is well appreciated. But right now, I quit.”

Clutching her bag and her ballet shoes, Lily turned her nose up in the air, almost uncannily resembling her sister, and walked out of Madame Beaumont’s doors, leaving the red-faced and angry woman pacing and fuming on her own.

No doubt, the news would reach Petunia. No doubt, she would be scolded until her ears fell off, and she would continue to be told to do what they told her to. No doubt, James, the only person who knew about her freak ability and didn’t treat her like a monster, was probably angry with her too, for siding with Severus without allowing him to explain.

_But he doesn’t know Severus like I do. He doesn’t know that he can say the meanest things that even a full-grown fifty-year-old adult can cry from_.

But he doesn’t know that, her logical side supplied. And he was mean for it, the way he turned Snape into a laughingstock before an audience, but considering Snape and his cursed tongue, he probably said something about Hogwarts. And James loves Hogwarts. And it’s all so terrible.

Lily fell into a heap on her bed and buried her face in the pillows. Her heart felt broken, and angry, and tired.  

At that point, she just wanted to disappear.

* * *

 

She didn’t know how, but Lily fell asleep some time after that.

            The clock chimed four when Emmeline had arrived to wake her up, bringing her food and drink, because she didn’t eat lunch before she fell asleep. Lily raised herself from her tear-soaked pillow and sat on her bed, feasting upon the tray Emmeline brought for her.

“Are you still going to… you-know-where?” Emmeline whispered, as if she was afraid the walls might have ears and say it to Petunia. Lily dropped her fork, wiping her mouth as she casted her gaze on the suddenly unappealing food. “I don’t know. I—I’ve been terrible to him, Em. I know I act on a whim when I’m angry, and now I’ve quit Madam Beaumont’s too, and Petunia would be _livid_ , and I’ve been terrible to this person I actually liked.”

“You were just standing up for your friend.”

“Yes,” Lily mumbled, looking at the window beside her bed. “Some friend he was.”

“I’m pretty sure that man would understand,” Em consoled her. “He seemed nice. And he _did_ seem to want to go after you, when you left.”

“He did?”

“Yes. You had turned your back so you didn’t see, but he ran after you. Mr. Snape said something that made him stop and let you be.”

Lily looked at Emmeline, alarmed. “ _Snape_ said something? Are you sure?”

 At Emmeline’s nod, Lily set her tray aside and sprang up from her bed, throwing her closet door open and rummaging through her clothes. Emmeline gaped at her quick movements. “What’s wrong, Miss Lily?”

“Well, if it’s Snape that said something, I’m pretty sure it’s not anything nice, and I have to clear it up before the situation gets worse.”

Lily didn’t see, but Emmeline beamed behind her. “You better hurry then, Miss. I heard the shows usually start at six, but Miss Petunia goes home at five and the lines for tickets are unbelievably long.”

            Lily barely talked as she prepared. She was nervous as heck too, but movement lessened the anxiety she was feeling. Emmeline had helped fixing her hair, and pulled out a blue dress from her closet. Nothing extravagant and finely-detailed as the one she wore at the Potters’, but a light blue one that complimented her hair well. She also brought a hooded cloak, in case she needed to hide… or escape. For the trip to the circus, Emmeline had arranged for a different carriage altogether, as using the family carriage would surely alert Petunia. Lily had to walk some distance away from their house before she was able to ride a carriage, and finally felt her nerves crackling as she settled down on her seat.

Like always, her attendant had been right. The line to the show was dreadfully long— _people loved their show_ this _much?_ —and people of all sorts and sizes had come that night. There were three main acts for tonight’s performance, as the fliers had read. The first one was called _Flight Risk_ , and the second one was called _Double Trouble_. Lastly, though Lily felt on instinct she knew who was performing, the third show was called _King of Hearts_. She could barely contain her excitement—she had escaped from her sister, and she was going to the circus. The circus!

“Sorry miss, we’re sold out.”

“Wait… wait, what?” Lily stared at the man inside the ticket booth in horror. She held on to the grills, peering at him closer. The poor man seemed startled at her. “Are—are you sure? You have got to be kidding me!”

“I’m afraid I’m not, miss,” he said apologetically, his blue eyes meeting hers. “You have to come earlier to make it to the cut, people are just mad these days.”

“Oh this is horrible,” Lily pushed her hood back and sighed ruefully. “And I thought I can still do something to save today too.”

“Hang on,” the man said carefully. He removed his hat so it wouldn’t shadow over his sight, revealing a slightly messy ginger hair. “Your name wouldn’t happen to be Lily, would it?”

The lady blinked, staring. “Yes, I am Lily.”

“Blimey!” he exclaimed. “I thought you wouldn’t come! James had been beside himself waiting for you!”

“James? He’s—he’s here?” _And he was waiting for me?_

“Yes,” he fixed the ‘sold out’ sign he put up and went out of the ticket booth. Once out, he towered over Lily, lanky in form and gait. “Well, if _you’re_ the Lily he was waiting for. He just gave your name to me and said you had dark red hair and magnificent green eyes and freckles—twenty-two freckles, he said.”

Lily didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or be initially creeped out. She actually had twenty- _seven_ freckles across her face alone, but twenty-two was a close count, if James really did count that in the dark, where they met.

“I’m not mad to count a lady’s freckles, mind,” the man was telling her, as he lead her inside the premises. There were tiny tents littered about, and she can see shadows moving in on them, but the man merely brushed past them and lead her to the one in the middle, simply the largest tent around. She can hear the crowd from where they stood and—“Was that a _lion’s_ roar?”

“Well, yes,” the man chuckled. “I’m Arthur, by the way. Arthur Weasley.”

“I’m Lily. Lily Evans.”

“I know,” he looked at her with something akin to amusement in his eyes. “James told me. Ah, right, here we are!”

The inside of the tent was unimaginably _huge_. People sat in raised seats, like in a stadium, leaving an ample space for two elephants to move. It was all so overwhelming. Arthur offered her a front row view of the performances, and from her spot she can easily see anything and everything.

“I’m taking my leave, then,” Arthur had to shout to be heard. “Would you be alright?”

“Yes, thank you!”

“Alright! I’d tell James—”

“Don’t!” she squeaked in alarm. Arthur turned to her with a confused expression. “Ah, please don’t tell him. I’d… I’d like to surprise him, you know?”

The ginger head was quick to shoot her an understanding smile and a two-faced salute, turning away to probably go to his post. Not several minutes later, the lights dimmed.

            The show had begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi at sofiascribbles dot tumblr dot com. Let's be friends. :)


	3. Magnificent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily visits the Hogwarts Circus, and she's in for a couple of surprises.
> 
> Also, the plot starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took time because I had trouble working out the performances :---( and I didn't really research much, so historical details might be lacking. Apologies. I hope you still enjoy reading this, though.

Magnificent wasn’t quite the word she was looking for, but her mind had stopped working the moment the spotlights turned on.

            Considering it was the only circus show she had been to, and it was her first time watching one, it easily won her astonishment and admiration. It was filled with so much… _color_ , and vibrancy, and life itself, and Lily realized that the joy wasn’t just coming from the performers, but from the audience too. Hogwarts’ Circus wasn’t just visited because it’s _entertaining_ , its laughter and joy is mighty infectious too.

The performance started with a song and dance number from all of the staff—elephants had been brought in and sparks lit the atmosphere, and there were lions leaping through rings of fire. Their faces were painted with red and gold, their skin flickering under the light as they danced.

The movement was entertainingly coordinated, making it pleasing to look at, and the music was upbeat, that she found herself nodding alongside the tune too. There was even a giant at some point, Lily thought, and there were people who were tossed so high up in the air that the crowd had gasped.

It was so… _chaotic_ , but also magnificently wonderful to watch.

The upbeat music had faded, and this time the other lights dimmed, the lone bright spotlight focusing on a man standing on the center stage. He had a kind face, this man, with long graying hair that was pulled at the nape of his neck, and a neatly trimmed beard. He wore an extravagant red coat, flourished with golden threads of embroidery, his eyes twinkling as he gazed upon his audience. “Welcome to Hogwarts Circus: Wonderland of Tales and Magic!”

The crowd roared in customary applause.

“Now, I know you guys are excited for tonight’s performances,” he beamed, looking over his half-moon spectacles. “And I am mighty apologetic to announce that we’re having last two performances before the season’s finale.”

“Aww,” the crowd chorused, but the man simply smiled. “It has been a magnificent season with you. We hope to present you more terrifying acts and provide you with the best entertainment that would fill your hearts to the brim!”

Another round of applause.

“Without further ado, I present to you, my pride and joy—ladies and gentlemen, spectators and critics—The Hogwarts Circus!”

Mellow music started playing. The lights focused on a ring hung by what looked like thick rope, or cable. Two women stood on the ring, side by side, with one facing Lily's side and the other facing backwards. Their arms were held out gracefully, and they had beaming smiles on their painted faces, wearing skin-tight white clothes, stretching from their arms down to their ankles, studded with diamonds and laces, with soft white chiffon material serving as short skirts. Their faces were painted white and lined with gold, like a tiger's, and they have an obnoxious white feather stuck in their buns.

Lily tried to pay attention to the details as much as she paid attention to the performance, but it proved to be a tough thing to do. They did not only toss each other high in the air—they also spun in circles and leapt, appearing to be floating mid-air just before they caught another bar. Lily watched in bated breath, but these two women made dancing in the air like child's play. They moved in time with the song, and there were lots of moments were they seemed like they'd—well, _fall_ , but they didn't, and it would take a few more hours later for Lily to realize that it was all part of the show, to keep the audience interested.

The main part of their act involved one of the women swinging around the audience in a full 360, while one of them stood on top of a tall tower, standing on tiptoes with both arms held up. Lily saw the telltale sign of her shoulders heaving, taking a deep breath--

Then she just leapt.

The audience gasped audibly. The other woman was still on the other side of the circle, and this one just kept falling down, down, do--

_BAM._

Sparks flew from the ground when their hands finally met, and both women twisted in the air as the crowd roared in rigorous applause, and even Lily couldn't believe her eyes, couldn't believe the impeccable timing of it all.

The diamonds in the women's skirts reflected like stars in the audience. The music playing slowed, and they finally both landed on top of the tower, beaming as all around them the audience whistled and clapped and shouted, ending their performance with prim curtsies.

"Going here had been such a good idea," a person to her right shouted, and Lily couldn't agree less.

The next performance was no less impressive. Two identical men juggled various types of stuff, from bottles to balls to vases, like a comic relief after the breathtaking first performance. They juggled objects while riding a unicycle, cycling in circles around the stage, interchanging their objects or throwing each other the objects, managing to insert it into their juggling cycle each time. Their finishing act involved unicycling arm in arm while juggling ten or so objects together, and in one final movement all objects landed on a neat pile on their either arm.

Another roaring applause was awarded, and there was a short break before resuming for the last performance. Lily leaned back on her seat, relaxing.

"Having fun?"

Lily's syes flicked upwards at the sound of a new voice. A sandy-haired man appeared by her side, wearing a coffee-colored suit and a polite smile on his face. Lily pressed her lips together, sitting a bit straighter. "Yes, actually. Thank you for asking, sir."

The man stared at her peculiarly before his eyes comically widened and he raised both his hands sheepishly. "Ah—I—ah—I didn't approach you because of-of—eh, well, ah, what I mean is... What I mean is, James sent me to accompany you."

When he finally managed to get his explanation out, Lily relaxed, and then eyed him with mild interest. "James sent you? He knows I'm here?"

"Mar and Doe—the girls earlier, from the flying trapeze—mentioned a redhead on these chairs. They're usually reserved for James' parents, so he figured it out. He wants to come up here, but Minn—er, Miss McGonagall, wouldn't let him. He's up next."

"I sort of figured," she lightly laughed. "I ought to thank him for saving the best seats. But I didn't quite catch your name?"

"Oh! I'm Lupin. Remus Lupin."

"Lily Evans."

"A pleasure," Remus shook her hand politely, then they both turned to face the stage. "What do you think of the circus so far?"

"Oh, it's bloody brilliant!" Lily burst out, then slapped a hand to her mouth, grinning sheepishly at Remus who looked startled at her outburst. "I'm sorry, I got excited."

"It's fine, I just didn't expect that," Remus chuckled in amusement. "I get that these things can be mighty impressive."

"It's magnificent! I can't imagine the number of rehearsals they had to make to perfect their performances. There's so much color and life to the production, not to mention the audience are engaged, even if they're meters away from the performers."

Remus grinned at her enthusiasm. "That's exactly why we joined the circus."

"You're part of the circus too? You don't look like it at all!"

"Why? What do I look like?"

Lily eyed him thoughtfully. "Like a scholar. What's your act, then?"

"I don't act much," Remus answered, shaking his head. "I just help with the managing and the organization, and the directing in rehearsals. Sometimes I assist them during performances."

"A behind-the-curtain man, then?"

"Exactly that, yes."

"What about James?"

Remus hid a smile and Lily hid a blush. "What about him?"

"Does he always perform?"

"He loves performing. And the crowd loves him back. He just has that charm, you know? And he puts effort into it too. God knows how many hours of sleep he sacrifices just to perfect an act."

"I can imagine," she murmured. Back when he performed in the streets, earlier, the crowds paid rapt attention to him. Not because he was so bloody tall or because he sticks out like a sore thumb, but because he had that presence around him. He was someone to look at to, and he damn well enjoyed it.

Seemingly able to read her mind, Remus sent her a kind smile. "He can be a bit of a douche at times, especially when he feels that his actions are justified, but he's a good man."

Lily didn't know what to say to that, so she turned towards the stage instead. Just in time, the stage lights flickered and a voice over announced that the show was resuming in a minute. The crowd filed back to their respective seats, and after a few more minutes, music started to play again. Remus leaned towards her, his voice lowering. "Pay close attention."

Majestic music started playing. The spotlight focused on one of the stage entrances, where James went out just in time, walking to the beat as the crowd cheered him on. He raised his cane in greeting, smiling cockily as the crowds cheered louder. Lily sucked in breath—here, he was primed to be a showman. His hair was messy and chaotic as ever, and his glasses glinted playfully under the spotlight. His coat had long coat tails, black as midnight and trimmed with gold. He walked—strutted—confidently towards the center of the stage. The cheer lessened when he finally stopped, and Lily could’ve sworn he paused momentarily when his eyes passed her side.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and I hope you’ve been having fun this magnificent night,” he winked, and his audience chuckled good-naturedly. “Alas, good things must come to an end, and I’ve been tasked to give you a final show that you won’t forget. So keep your eyes peeled open, because the best part of the show is _just_ about to start.”

Sparks. Applause. The lights dimmed, and James started his act with the usual stuff of entering a ‘magic’ box and putting swords through it and coming out alive and encasing a volunteer in another case and chopping it into three, then putting it back together like nothing happened. For his final act, he brought out a set of cards. It wasn’t the usual kind of cards though—he showed the first card, and it was the image of a bird.

“I’ve been practicing this a lot,” he laughed gaily. “And I really am excited to show you guys this trick. Watch closely.”

His right hand held the card so it was facing the audience, while his left hand was held under it, palms up. “On the count of three!”

_“1… 2… 3!”_

The moment the last syllable resounded, he clamped his fingers, flicking the card, and a bird seemingly came _out_ of the card, flapping its wings, and the audience applauded in astonishment. The bird made a show of circling the crowd before flying back and perching itself to James’ outstretched hand. “Did you see that? Did you catch the trick?”

There was a collective, _“No!”_

“That’s a shame. Maybe I should do it again?”

The crowd cheered its assent. James showed them another card, and this time it was of a swarm of butterflies. “On three!”

_“1… 2… 3!”_

He flicked the card again, and as the crowd had expected, a swarm of butterflies had appeared, and everyone cheered again. Upbeat music played and this time it took awhile before the crowd settled down again.

“Alright, alright. I don’t think that’s enough for an audience as enthusiastic as you, so I’m going to try something a little more daring.”

It effectively silenced the crowd. A man crossed the stage and handed him what looked like a folded fabric. James took the fabric and gently laid it out, revealing a painting of what ought to be a card. This time, it had the painting of a bear. The tent was filled with a gasp.

“That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I’m going to try and summon a bear for you,” his glasses glinted, a cocky smirk played on his lips. “For the last time! On three!”

“ _1… 2… 3!”_

He tossed the fabric in the air. And there, in all its glory, was a full-sized grizzly bear, roaring at the astounded crowd. James bowed in front of the bear, low, and only when the bear bowed back did he straighten his spine and hold out a hand. The bear nudged its huge head against his palm, and then it was the crowd roaring with applause. James bowed towards the crowds too, waving, and the spotlight dimmed, replaced with the regular lights.

Lily was still pressed against her seat, looking stumped. It took her awhile to notice that Remus had stood, offering her a kind smile. “Are you alright?”

“That was wicked,” she exhaled, not being able to hold back the breathless comment. Remus laughed and held out his arm. “Come on. James wants to see you.”

* * *

 

It took awhile before they were able to find James.

            The whole Circus staff were still in a state of relief and euphoria after a(nother) successful show, and it was chaos in the grounds behind the tent. People were high-fiving each other and hugging and beer had been passed around, the whole place just full of laughter and joy. James had been in the center of that crowd too, Lily noticed, and people were congratulating him and slapping his back. Remus was pleasant company until then, telling her short anecdotes about what people do in the circus. After a while, James spotted them and jogged over, still wearing his performance clothes but had removed his coat, a hesitant smile on his face. Far from the cocky smirk on the stage.

Lily offered him a small smile too, and Remus had smiled knowingly at the two of them, nodding at Lily and clapping James on the back, before mingling with the rest of the people who were partying. James brought a hand to his hair. Lily pretended she didn’t slightly gasp at that.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?”

At her nod, James lead her to one of the smaller tents. It was fortunately unoccupied, save for boxes and cabinets and a vanity mirror. There was also a cot pushed to the side of the tent. Lily recognized some were props for a magician and figured that this was probably James’ own tent. She quirked an eyebrow at him and took pleasure at his blush. “I’m sorry, this is the first place that came to my mind.”

Then he realized what he said, and added, “That probably didn’t help my case, did it?”

Lily hid a smile behind her hand. “No, it didn’t.”

“I should just stop talking,” he muttered, then messed his hair again (and Lily only bit her lip this time). “I… uh… prepared one last trick for you.”

“What? Summoning a bear didn’t deplete your powers?”

He shook his head with a smile. Lily barely caught the image of a purple hyacinth in his hand before he had flicked it and it appeared between his fingers. She took it from him gingerly, finding that it was very much real. A purple hyacinth. What did that mean again?

“Thank you, though I think I should be the one giving you flowers. You did a magnificent show. All of you, actually,” she said.

“That’s actually an apology flower.”

“Oh.”

She shifted her weight. He shuffled on his feet. “I… I’m sorry for what happened earlier this afternoon. My temper got the best of me.”

“ _Your_ temper? I’m the one who cursed and shouted and basically threw a tantrum!”

“Yes well,” his smile was a bit bitter. “I still could have handled it better. Snape was just… he’s an old enemy. I know I should have just ignored him. But he works for Riddle, and he just—”

“He says the meanest things, I know.”

His eyes snapped up to meet hers. There was a bit of caution in them, hiding the curiosity. “I didn’t know you were familiar with him.”

“I am. Or, I was,” Lily twisted the flower’s stem between her fingertips. “He used to live near our old house. We were childhood friends.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry for causing a scene earlier too,” she offered him her best apologetic smile. “I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“ _We_ shouldn’t have acted the way we did,” he amended, and they smiled at each other, and somehow that meant everything was alright now. When the silence became too overwhelming—but not uncomfortable—James cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the flap bursting open and a pudgy man came in, sweat clinging to his hair and his breathing shallow. “James! Dumbledore’s back, and he’s got some news!”

Lily offered him a small smile. The man pinked and stepped backwards, swallowing thickly. “I didn’t realize you have company. I’ll just—uh—go.”

The tent flap closed. Alone once again, James faced Lily with an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry, I’ll have to see what’s going on.”

“Oh, sure, let’s go.”

James sent her a quick little smile before they both scurried out of the tent and back to where the party was happening. The ruckus had been quite over. Though there were liquor bottles scattered around, the atmosphere seemed entirely too sober. The man who did the introduction earlier in the show stood in the midst of them, holding paper in his hands.

Lily stood beside James, unnoticed, watching as the man took off his glasses and folded them. “Mr. Riddle is to release an order to shut us down.”

Almost instantly sounds of protests echoed, accompanied by scowls and curse. The man, who must’ve been named Dumbledore, did little but smile grimly at the violent reactions. “He wants me to sign a contract to never run for office, else the order will be released tomorrow.”

“Bollocks!” a voice shouted. “Just shows how much of a coward that bastard is!”

“It should be fine,” another voice quipped, this time from a woman Lily recognized as one of the trapeze fliers. “We could just perform in other places.”

“But we haven’t even finished the summer season yet! The people would be disappointed!”

“There are clearly other people who would appreciate our performances more than here!”

“But—”

Arguments rose all at once. Studying Dumbledore once more, Lily gasped lightly, holding on to the sleeve of James’ shirt, making the latter turn to her. “That man… he’s Albus Dumbledore, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” James’ lips quirked at her surprise. “There really isn’t that many Dumbledore you meet in a lifetime, is there?”

“Oh, hush,” Lily scolded him, but with no venom, eyes transfixed on the man. Dumbledore was known to be a valued political adviser, and Riddle’s number one critic. On Riddle’s first electoral run, Dumbledore had been the most vocal, but despite anything that had been raised against the man, he had still won. Lily knew, because her father was a close acquaintance of Riddle’s. She never knew the latter’s rival would be running a circus, of all things.

“Calm now,” Dumbledore said calmly, voice rising over the squabble. “There’s no need to fret. I’ve already signed the contract.”

“WHAT?”

“But Dumbledore—”

“—Riddle really isn’t—”

“—we know you said the circus is priority—”

“—but no one else can put Riddle in his place—”

“Sir,” it was James’ voice which dominated the others’. He looked at Dumbledore with apprehension. “Are you sure?”

“Before I was a name in politics, I have promised all of you, first and foremost, a home,” Dumbledore said seriously, addressing all of them. “And I know that while some of you enjoy travelling, we still all need a home. And home is here. I would do anything in my power to keep Hogwarts safe. It is my home as much as it is yours.

“As for Riddle… I believe it’s more important to trust in the people’s power to discern what is rightful and what is not. He asked me to sign a contract to never run for office, not a contract to stop me from telling the people about his true self.”

“We’ll help you,” another woman said, and a chorus of agreement sounded. “We just need to find evidence against Riddle, and no matter what he schemes his blatant lies would be revealed.”

There was another chorus of assent. Murmurs resounded. Dumbledore gazed over the members of his circus, his eyes glistening with what Lily thought was tears. For Dumbledore to earn these people’s loyalty… he must’ve really given them a home.

* * *

 

It was at that note that James quietly took Lily away from the crowd. The latter didn’t complain, as she realized she still had to face her sister once she gets home, and she doubts she’d be able to go to sleep peacefully at once. As James accompanied her to her awaiting carriage, they settled in companionable silence.

“Would the circus… be okay?”

James briefly lifted his head, raising a hand to push his glasses up his nose. “As long as Dumbledore says it is, I guess it will be.”

“I hope everything works out in the end. People love the show,” Lily paused. “People love _you_.”

He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at her. A light pink dusted his cheeks, perfectly illuminated by the moonlight. “I guess.”

“My, my. Are you shy, James?”

“Do not tease me,” he complained, tittering at her laugh. “I just think that says a lot, especially since it comes from someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Someone who didn’t think of the circus that well.” Lily bowed her head at this, but James merely elbowed her arm. “But I managed to change that, didn’t I?”

When she raised her head to look at him, he was wearing that familiar cocky smile, eyes playfully glinting. She rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. “The circus did.”

“I’m part of the circus, so I’d take that as a yes.”

“Take it however you want it, sir.”

“I will, miss.”

They exchanged smiles, and then small laughter. Lily knew they were purposefully dragging on, and knowing that they were only a few meters away from the carriage now, she slowed her pace. If James noticed, he didn’t say anything, but slowed down too to match hers.

She didn’t even know why. Maybe she more than enjoys his company.

“Is Riddle really that scared of Dumbledore?” she asked. James looked ahead, ruffling his hair again. “Threatened, more likely. Dumbledore used to be just his critic before, one he can ignore. But now, especially with the circus, even the common people know who Dumbledore is. If he decides to run for office, he would most likely win. Riddle wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Realizing he had said a lot, he glanced at Lily, finding that she was looking ahead, thoughtful.  He let out a small chuckle. “Sorry, the politics talk might bore you.”

“No.” she said quickly, her eyes widening as she looked at him. “No, it’s fine. I’m just… Well, my father, he was a businessman—”

“Was?”

Lily smiled at him sadly. James, on instinct, reached for her arm and squeezed it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” the lady swallowed. “Well, he was a businessman, and he was a close acquaintance of Riddle. I… I think he severed their relationship when Riddle first ran for office. I think… I’ve seen Dumbledore in our house, once.”

“If your father was an acquaintance of Riddle’s,” James frowned. “What would _Dumbledore_ be doing at your house?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is that how you met Snape?” he suddenly asked, and Lily had to catch herself before she fully tripped on her own feet. “That’s how _Riddle_ met Snape.”

At the sudden silence, Lily traced circles on her skirt and bit her lip. “Whatever he told you—it’s not true.”

“Ah,” James ruffled his hair. Again. Lily was starting to find the habit endearing. “Yeah, I figured. I don’t think you’re set on marrying him if you still went to see me after that fight.”

Lily stopped in her tracks, gaping after him. “He told you I was marrying him? _Me_?”

“For what it’s worth, I think it’s the other way around,” James offered, turning to her and stopping to. “I think he wants to marry you.”

“Why would he want to marry me?”

“Lily, if enough men met you, I think they’d want to marry you.”

He stated it so simply, like it was a fact that was so simple anybody can figure it out. Lily wanted to laugh, but she didn’t think that was an appropriate reaction. She met his eyes and, feeling the need to clear it out, said, “Well, it’s not like I want to marry them. Or him.”

“I know.”

His smile was bright and easy. She can feel the fireflies he had summoned the night before in her stomach. By then, they had resumed walking, and by estimation, Lily thinks it would take just ten more steps until they reach the carriage, and she didn’t know what else to tell him. Nights with him always seemed infinite until it had to end. “Thank you for inviting me tonight.”

They stopped in front of the carriage. James bowed. “It’s my pleasure.”

Lily and James exchanged smiles. As she was about to raise herself on the carriage, he had taken a step forward, hesitation on his face. Lily looked at him expectantly. “What is it?”

“I—” he faltered, studying her face at first before clearing his throat. “Forgive me, I do not intend to overstep my boundaries, but I… it would be an honor if you join us.”

Lily searched his eyes, finding a lot of hesitation in them. “Join you?”

“The circus,” he cleared. “Join the circus.”

Perhaps sensing her apprehension, he rushed over his words. “You don’t have to answer me right now. You can—you can visit us tomorrow. We don’t have a show, but you can watch the rehearsals, see how things work.”

“James,” Lily hesitated. “I don’t know…”

“If you need another reason, I want to introduce you to my friends too.”

Well. If he’s going to put it like that, she had no reason to refuse him, does she? It’s not like she has anything to do. She quit Madam Beaumont’s, and if she can finish her embroidery work, she can slip away and she’s free for the day, then. Besides, he was looking at her with stars in his eyes and hope in his smile. How could she ever refuse that? A small smile taking over her lips, she nodded, giggling at the smile breaking over his face.

“So I… uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

She smiled at him. This was becoming a regular thing, then? Is he becoming a regular person in her life, then? “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prongsprobably.tumblr.com


	4. Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some more plot with some angst and some fluff +++ we're meeting Sirius with knives!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sincerely do apologize, this isn't my best chapter. and it's unbeta-ed. but i'm reaaaally trying my best, so I hope you still enjoy.

Lunch with Petunia was awkward.

            Lily didn’t know fully well how it happened, but somehow Petunia still doesn’t know about her quitting Madam Beaumont’s, and her sneaking out to see the circus, both things she was strictly forbidden to do. She supposed she owed it to Emmeline, who she caught throwing her a wink and a significant glance, but Petunia remained deadly oblivious to all of it. And Lily wasn’t mad to disturb the apparent peace, so the moment she woke up, she went on with her routine, even humming softly as she continued her embroidery work, not minding the number of times she was pricked or the number of stitches that she had accidentally crooked.

And now they were having lunch together, and still Petunia wasn’t suspecting a thing.

“How was your day?” Lily asked amiably, cutting into her food nimbly. Petunia didn’t even raise her head as she answered. “Fine. I would be having dinner with Vernon outside, though, so don’t wait up on me.”

Lily nodded in understanding. The silence picked up for a few seconds, until she cleared her throat again and attempted another conversation. “Do you want to see my embroidery?”

“No,” her straight-faced answer doesn’t even faze Lily anymore. “Let your mentor see it. I’ve got other things to do than inspect some stitches.”

Not really disappointed, Lily looked down at her plate. “Of course.”

“Tuney—”

“ _Petunia._ ”

“Petunia,” the younger Evans amended, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you remember when… Mr. Riddle used to come here?”

 _That_ she had some care about. Petunia visibly froze, dropping her cutlery and face turning a little pale at the mention of the name. That alone was confirmation enough to Lily; even her sister seemed agitated with Riddle.

"I remember he and Father used to talk in his office," Lily continued. "Riddle was a known supporter of our Father's business, wasn't he?"

"Yes, and Father went ahead and severed their contact."

"Wasn't... Riddle... particularly angry that night?"

Petunia paled further. Lily understood though—both of them were very young at that time, caught listening in to their Father's office. They had been standing in the corridor the moment Riddle walked out, thunder clouding his very handsome face. When he spotted the girls, he smiled, and Lily remembered how frightening that smile was, his lips curling upwards but his eyes were terrifyingly blank. He had crouched down in front of them, and Petunia had taken a step backward but Lily stood defiantly, both sisters hand in hand at the oddly sinister man. "Aren't you two girls very charming? What's your name?"

"Sorry, we're not allowed to talk to strangers."

"Ah, but I'm not a stranger, little flower. I am your father's friend. My name is Tom."

"If you're my father's friend, why were you fighting with him back there?" Lily had asked bluntly. Riddle merely threw a glance over his shoulder, smile slightly slipping. "Friends fight sometimes. No worries though, your father and I would be okay again some other time."

That was the time their Father went out of his office, his eyes widening in shock and fury, body frigid. Lily didn't understand then, but she knew now—their father was terrified of Riddle. "What are you doing?"

"Oh?" Riddle stood again, casting a shadow on both girls. "Just introducing myself, Charles. Until next time then. Girls."

He sent them a singular nod as he went, and Petunia let out a small whimper, running towards their Father and wrapping her arms around his waist. Lily followed soon afterwards too, letting her Father pick her up. "Did he do anything to you?"

"No, Daddy."

Their father seemed satisfied, but he had a distant look in his eyes as he stared at where Riddle went. And he had warned them, both Petunia and Lily, to steer clear of Riddle, and never ever talk to him.

Lily let out a sigh at the memory. She looked at Petunia, who cleared her throat, eyes casted down. "Why do you suddenly ask about Riddle?"

"His arch enemy. The one who visited Father's house. I saw him—out in the streets today."

"His arch enemy?"

"Dumbledore," Lily said, a bit impatient. "Long hair. Beard. Funny choice of clothes. He visited Father too, two days before the fire."

Petunia winced. "So what?"

"What do you mean 'so what'?"

"So what if you saw Riddle's arch enemy out in the streets? Would that bring our Father back?"

Lily grimaced. "Don't you find it weird that he'd be in our house if our Father was known as a former acquaintance of Riddle's? Merely two days before the fire? Don't you think there's some kind of connection?"

"I don't know what you're thinking in that skull of yours," Petunia's lip curled into a sneer. "But whatever your reason is for bringing this subject up, aside from reminding me of our life that _you_ ruined, reconsider and keep me out of it. And how could you think there's a connection between those things? Haven't we established that you're the one who started the fire?"

Lily's jaw clenched. _But I didn't! I'm innocent!_

But how can she prove that? She couldn't remember details about the night of the fire—only the smoke and the heat, and the shadow of a man...

"Don't bring this up again," Petunia told her, eyes back to that cold cold blue. "Finish your food and go."

Lily swallowed the protest bubbling in her throat and followed her sister's words. If only she could remember what exactly happened that night, then maybe she could finally bridge the gap that was wedged between her and her sister. Maybe their mother can finally heal. Maybe there would be justice for their father's death. But she couldn't, so she was forced to carry the brunt of the crime, free from prison but not free from guilt.

The rest of the morning continued to be like that too—she retired to the sitting room to continue her stitches. Once she had finished her goal for the day, Lily felt a bit of life spark itself into her lethargic mood. She had talked and gushed and told Emmeline about the Circus—in a quiet voice, of course—and Emmeline promised she'd be there to watch the next show. Lily had just arrived at the main street, where a carriage would be waiting for her, when she saw a familiar face in the crowd. She had no intentions of calling him out, but he had already seen her. "Lily!"

Lily turned back around, throwing an apologetic look at the carriage driver before looking at Snape. "Sir Snape."

"Why the sudden formality?" Severus' face darkened. "You've been spending time with _that_ guy, haven't you? I thought I didn't have to warn you because I trust that you have a good head on your shoulders, but he's bad news, Lily."

"He's not much worse than you are," she told him, even surprised at the casual tone of her voice. She couldn't believe how much her old childhood friend had changed since working for Riddle. _Riddle._

Severus' eyes narrowed, taking in her clothes for the very first time that day. "I saw you last night. You came out of the tent with one of those freaks."

"They're not freaks."

"—and you're going back there, aren't you?"

"I don't owe you an answer, Severus," Lily snapped, her eyes flashing. "And they're not freaks. Will you please stop calling them that?"

"They're weirdos, Lily! They're abominations! I don't get this sudden investment to a show that obviously parades exaggeration and encourages lack of propriety, but surely you know better than to let a temporary infatuation overrule your thinking!" He gripped her arm, tight, and hissed. "You're wasting your time on a bunch of freaks!"

Lily's anger flared further. Eyes turning as cold as ice, she forcefully took her arm back, sneering at her old friend coldly. "Well then, I guess I'm just another one of those freaks. Goodbye, Severus."

* * *

 

His eyes literally lit up when he saw her.

            Just that look alone had melted away the rest of her anger, and she felt her tensed shoulders relaxing as their carriage neared him. He assisted her descent from the carriage and smiled at her, in that familiar lopsided grin, his close proximity enough to send pleased tingles down her spine. “Alright? How’s your day so far?”

“Not that good, actually,” she murmured, sobering for a bit, but brushing aside his concerned look with a smile. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle. What are we seeing today?”

“Well, if you’re sure,” James gestured to the entrance to the circus. “I’d like to try and change your day.”

“You are surprisingly good at that,” she agreed. “What were you doing out here, anyway? You weren’t waiting for me, were you?”

At James’ lack of answer and chuckle, she whipped her head to look at him, surprised. “Were you?”

“It’s not like I had anything to do,” he answered, a bit defensively, though he was smiling. “Besides, I didn’t wait and stare at nothing. I just come back at random times to see if you were arriving.”

Funnily enough, Lily could envision him doing just that, so she just beamed her gratitude and followed him inside. The first sight that welcomed were two elephants, and Lily heard herself audibly gasping at the sight of them. She stopped, stunned, because while she did see elephants back at the Circus’ opening, she saw them high above on a seat perfect for viewing. Now, she stood, a mere speck of dust for such giants. James threw her a grin over his shoulder and tugged her forward, towards the man who was attending to the elephants.

“Alright, Hagrid?”

“Alrigh’, James?” the man was unbelievably _huge_. Lily had to crane her neck a bit to get a proper look on his face, mostly covered by curly beard. His eyebrows were bushy, eyes a friendly warm black that made Lily smile. “Ooh, you’ve got company, eh? Yeh mus’ be Lily? The name’s Rubeus. Rubeus Hagrid. Nice ter meet yeh.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Lily said politely, and when she shook his hand her whole arm moved with her too, and it was a wonder how her shoulder hadn’t popped. She looked at James in silent astonishment, but all she got was his smiling eyes that betrayed his amusement.

“I’m touring Lily around, showing her the ropes of how the circus works. Lily, Hagrid tends to the animals of the Circus—I don’t know how he does it, actually, must be some sort of magic.”

“Yeh make me blush, James,” Hagrid rubbed the back of his neck, a pink tinge on his cheeks. “It’s not that hard ter tame animals.”

Lily and James exchanged amused looks, the former stepping forward and peering at Hagrid’s pets. “Do you name them?”

“Er—yes, actually! This one’s Peanut, and the other one’s Bean.”

Lily sent James another astonished look, and this time he shrugged, so she turned towards the elephants. “It’s nice to meet you, Peanut and Bean.”

“Yeh can reach yer hand out,” Hagrid suggested. “I’ve been trainin’ them, see, teachin’ them some tricks.”

Lily hesitantly held a hand out, and was surprised when one of the elephants (Peanut, if she wasn’t mistaken) reached out a trunk and nudged her hand with it. She blinked but clasped the trunk, shaking it lightly.

“Good one, Peanut,” Hagrid positively beamed.

Lily would’ve raved a lot and played with the animals a bit more, but James urged her along and after some goodbyes and a promise to visit more to Hagrid, they entered the circus camp more. Then, a ginger-haired woman had come rushing towards them, her hair all over her face.

“James! James, I’ve got the new coat for your next appearance! You’re going to l—oh, who’s this?” the woman peered at Lily. Lily smiled hesitantly, eyeing James and the woman, whose warm brown eyes seemed to sparkle at the sight of her. “Oh! Red hair, green eyes! Is this Lily?”

“Ah,” James laughed sheepishly. “Yes, it is. Lily, this is Molly Prewett. She handles the costumes used in the performances. Molly, this is Lily.”

“Nice to meet you, Lily!” Molly smiled warmly, shaking her hand. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

Lily sent a questioning look at James, which he refused to meet, and just addressed Molly. “I’ll go and check the new coat later, I’m just showing Lily around.”

“Of course,” Molly chirped. “I’ll be in my tent then. Oh, if you see Arthur, please tell him to drop by. It’s nice to meet you again, Lily.”

“You too,” Lily said politely, and the two of them watched as Molly walked away. Once she was out of earshot, Lily glanced at James. “Why does everybody know who I am?”

“Uhh—”

“Come to think of it,” her eyebrows knotted in thought. “Even at the ticket booth—that was Arthur Weasley, wasn’t it? He already knew me before I even introduced myself.”

“I…” James ruffled his hair. “I may have mentioned you to them… a few times.”

He quailed under the look she sent him. “Alright, a lot of times.”

She sent him a wide smile, one she tried to tame. “I’m flattered.”

“What do I say,” James’ voice turned low, receding into a murmur. “You’ve completely enchanted me.”

_Well. What does one say to that?_

Lily bit her lip, swallowing thickly. James looked away, shied, and cleared his throat. “Uh. We better get going.”

“Sure,” she mumbled, and followed when James moved forward, entering one of the smaller tents around.

The first thing Lily saw when she entered was a knife zipping right past her face. The redhead gasped, wide-eyed, and then turned to look at the knife. It had embedded itself deeply against a wooden board, which was rich with other marks and knives. “What the heck!”

“ _Sirius_ ,” James’ voice was scolding. Lily scowled and then turned to face this Sirius, ready to give him a piece of her mind about flying knives, when she saw that he still had another particularly pretty knife in his hand. She swallowed her anger. “Please do not throw your knives where people are walking around.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, in a move that was supposed to intimidate her. Lily supposed he was plenty intimidating, with long hair that was gathered around his nape, gray eyes that was about as sharp as his knife. His ears seemed to be studded with silver too, arms decorated with ink. He was wearing a simple white shirt with no sleeves, dark breeches tucked into muddied boots. “It’s not like I expected the ‘people’ walking around. Teaches you to not enter to finish without permission, no?”

He sounded like he was greatly peeved, though curious, about her presence. James sighed. “This is Lily. Lily, this is Sirius. He’s a bit of an ass, so you may have to forgive him.”

“Language, Prongs,” Sirius sniffed, and Lily blinked owlishly at the snobbish move, before his gray eyes focused on her again. “Nice to meet you, Miss.”

“Pleasure,” Lily shook his offered hand. “You have excellent knife work. Are you performing next week?”

“Yes,” his eyebrows raised. “James offered you to join the Circus, didn’t he?”

Lily sneaked a quick peek at James before nodding at Sirius’ question. Sirius just mockingly looked at James, who merely turned away, before looking at Lily. “Please don’t feel pressured to accept his offer. James springs the question to anyone who manifests an interest in him… or the circus.”

“Well, I _am_ interested,” Lily shrugged, knowing that the question was some sort of weird protectiveness over James. Sirius tilted his head in appreciation. “Would you like to learn how to throw knives?”

“Alright, that’s enough,” James rolled his eyes and lightly pulled Lily, leaning away from Sirius for a bit so he can put his mouth next to her ear in a whisper (that spiked her heartbeat, which she wouldn’t admit to anybody else). “He’s just going to make you stand by the board.”

Then, louder, “I’m going to take Lily to meet Dumbledore.”

“Of course you are,” Sirius muttered under his breath, before straightening and nodding at Lily. “Until next time, then, Miss Lily.”

Lily nodded back, before James had whisked her away, out of the tent and back into the sun. Walking side by side was quickly becoming customary between the two of them. While they kept a slight distance, their steps were in rhythm and the silence was comfortable.

“I’m sorry about Sirius,” James winced. “He fancies himself a rebel.”

“It’s alright,” Lily’s lips twitched, her absent gaze turning thoughtful. “Sirius was Padfoot, wasn’t he?”

James nodded, smiling. “What gave it away?”

“He called you ‘Prongs’. Where’d the nicknames come, anyway? Do the both of you turn into some weird animals, or was it some kind of weird partiality to forks and padded feet?”

“Rude,” James mockingly gasped. “It’s actually a long story. I’ll tell it to you some other time.”

 _Some other time_ , like he was really sure they’d spend a lot of time together. In the future. The thought wasn’t so bad, Lily mused. She liked that thought a lot.

Dumbledore’s tent was spacious. Not as huge as the tent they perform in, of course, but spacious enough to keep different kinds of knick knacks. Lily recognized that most of them must’ve come abroad, from their travels. There were posters plastered on the walls, and pictures of the members of the Circus. One frame exhibited the picture of a young girl in a white dress, hair pulled back by a ribbon. There was a small scribble at its bottom right corner. _Ariana_.

“James,” said Dumbledore’s surprised voice. The man’s figure emerged from behind a shelf, holding a rolled-up newspaper in his hands. “To what do I owe this visit?”

James shot a quick smile at Lily and tugged her towards the man, who was approaching his cluttered desk. There were folders and cases of papers upon papers. A picture frame rested on one side, and a turned off lamp.

“I’d like to introduce you to someone,” James quipped. “This is Lily. Lily, this is Dumbledore. Our ringmaster.”

“Pleasure to meet you Mr. Dumbledore,” Lily bowed slightly. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Dumbledore appraised her, smiling. “Likewise. How have you liked Hogwarts so far?”

“It’s the best place I’ve ever been,” she replied honestly, and from the corner of her eyes she saw James beaming widely. “Though I haven’t been to many places, so I’m not sure.”

“No, you already said it,” James inserted quickly. “No take backs.”

Lily grinned and nudged him with her elbow. When she turned to Dumbledore, the man’s eyes flashed with recognition. “Pardon, but have we met before?”

“You visited our house once. To meet my father, I think,” Lily admitted. “Charles Evans.”

“Evans?” Dumbledore repeated, his eyes narrowing, and her appraisal of the girl increased. “You’re Charles Evans’ daughter?”

“You remember him, then?”

“Of course. Why, I…” he turned quiet, like he was mulling over some memories. “I’ve heard what happened to him. My deepest condolences. Has your mother been well?”

Lily’s heart clenched at the reminder. “As… as well as they go, I suppose.”

James was looking between the two of them curiously, but didn’t speak. Dumbledore set the newspaper he was holding aside and clasped his hands on the table. “Your father and I was supposed to meet the night the accident happened. I was surprised when I heard the news.”

“Yes, well,” Lily’s eyes turned guarded. “We were surprised as well. May I… may I ask why you were supposed to meet with him that night?”

Dumbledore’s eyes darkened. He sighed, looking down. “The first time I met him, in your house, I was trying to persuade him.”

“Persuade him?”

“To go against Riddle.”

Lily felt her blood turn cold. “ _Riddle_?”

“Yes. I knew they had transactions in the past, and that he and Riddle had some sort of misunderstanding. While your father chose to separate himself from Riddle, he wasn’t keen on turning against him. Even back then, he was aware of the powers Riddle held,” Dumbledore looked apologetic. “Your father was silent for a long time. When he finally requested to meet with me again, he unexpectedly perished.”

“D… do you think,” Lily swallowed. Her head was spinning, reeling. “Riddle had something to do with his death?”

“I won’t put it past that man.”

“I see,” Lily said quietly. She clenched her fists, thumb digging into her knuckles. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Dear me,” Dumbledore sighed. “These aren’t things we should speak about on a first meeting.”

“It’s alright,” when she spoke, her voice was scratchy. She felt someone’s warm fingers rest upon the small of her back, tender and comforting. “I’m glad to get some answers. My father must have been holding important information, if Riddle made such a move.”

“I believe so. But the fire had destroyed everything, didn’t it?” Dumbledore’s blue eyes were kind behind his spectacles. Lily nodded numbly. “Yes. It destroyed everything.”

“I’m really sorry, Miss Evans.”

“It’s alright. I… Thank you for your time.”

“We should go,” James murmured behind her. “You look pale.”

With a final goodbye to the old man, James and Lily turned and exited the tent.

* * *

The breeze outside was fresh.

            James lead her under the shade of a thick-trunked tree, offering her a glass of cold water, which she half-heartedly drank. Lily’s mind was still reeling with information about her father. Her memories about the night of the fire wasn’t clear, but she was _sure_ she wasn’t the one who caused it. Now she had a suspect. But how could she possibly prove that Riddle caused the fire?

“Are you alright?” James asked quietly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think bringing you to Dumbledore would turn out like this.”

“It’s honestly alright,” her voice was scratchy again. “It’s actually very helpful. I… I’ve been looking for information about my father I…”

James was quiet. He was watching her carefully, his gaze gentle rather than expectant. She took a deep breath. “Thank you for today, James. This may be too straightforward, but I really enjoy spending time with you.”

His lips quirked upwards. “I find nothing wrong with honesty. And I feel the same way.”

When he accompanied her back to her carriage, again, she turned towards him with slight apprehension. “Ah, I forgot to tell you. About your proposal…”

“Yes?” Lily could see he was trying to be casual, but he looked so hopeful that she couldn’t help but giggle. “If the offer still stands, I’d like to try it.”

“Y-you do?” his eyes had widened, his lips stretching to a wide smile. “You really do?”

“Yes.”

“T-that’s,” he stammered. “That’s good. That’s really good.”

“Really good?”

He rolled his eyes at her teasing tone. She laughed. “Yes, it’s good. I’ll talk to Dumbledore and McGonagall about it. You could start off with something light, see how things work…”

“I’d like that,” she smiled.

James bit his lip, trying to control his smile. “That’s good.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“I know.”

As Lily waved at him, her carriage carrying her back to the city, she couldn’t help but be filled with hope. At least now she had new things to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holler at me @ prongsprobably.tumblr.com
> 
> comments and feedbacks are highly encouraged. <3

**Author's Note:**

> holler at me at sofiascribbles.tumblr.com


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